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UNDERSTANDING GENDER DIFFERENCES IN BEHAVIOUR |
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When I first met my
husband we would spend a lot of time talking on the telephone. Each time that
Dan would call he would ask me about my day. I would provide him with a
detailed blow-by-blow account of how I spent my time. Inevitably there would
come a point where I would begin to feel as if I was holding a dead piece of
plastic in my hand. "Are you listening?"
I would ask, feeling my anxiety mounting because of his lack of response. We didn't have the same
trouble face to face, but no matter how much we tried to communicate with
each other by phone, we seemed to get caught up in a dynamic that left us
both frustrated. It wasn't until years later—when I became interested
in the how gender differences in behaviour
developed—-that I recognized the impact that these differences had on
our attempts at intimacy on the phone. When he didn't make empathic noises
and readily share his own feelings, I felt disconnected from him. Dan, on the
other hand, became impatient when it took so long for me to get to the point
because he wanted to tell me what to do to fix my problem and, by doing so, let
me know he cared!. If we want to work with
girls and boys in ways that bring out the best in them and are congruent with
their biology and development, or if we want to improve our relationships
with the opposite sex, or if we just want to have a better understanding of
ourselves, then we need to understand why and how girls and boys grow up to
inhabit two different gender cultures with quite different languages and
different ways of interpreting and responding to situations. We need to
understand the interplay of biology and culture because while all of us as
individuals may do the exact same things, we will likely experience them and
describe them differently depending on whether we are female or male. This gender-oriented
framework which also includes the impact of society on girls and boys (in
greater detail, of course) forms the basis for my Just For Girls program,
the Just for Boys program, for Nurturing
Girlpower: Integrating Eating Disorder
Prevention-Intervention Skills into Your Practice,
for my books When Girls Feel Fat and Body Thieves
and for the professional training workshops that I develop and facilitate. Biology: Even before they are born, boys
and girls are programmed to march to different drummers. For the first six to
eight weeks of gestation all fetuses develop along female lines and appear the
same. Then a surge of testosterone in the genetically male fetus interacts
with the neurons that make up the brain and changes the brain structure from
one that is female into one that is male. The genetically female fetus
produces cells that bathe it in estrogen. Ovaries produce tiny amounts of
testosterone required by the developing female brain. Regardless of the sex
of the fetus, the more testosterone that bathes the brain at this time of
development, the more that person will exhibit male behavior. The lesser the
amount of testosterone, the more feminine the behavior will be. The
female brain is 10 to 15% smaller than the male brain but the regions
dedicated to higher cognitive functions such as language are more densely
packed with neurons. It is more diffuse than the male brain. The functional
division between the left and right sides of the brain is less clearly
defined so that both sides are used in verbal and visual activities. Because
of this the female brain responds more intensely to emotion. Feelings
(especially sadness) activate neurons in an area eight times larger in the
female brain than in the male. Girls learn to speak earlier than boys do and develop
more skill at verbal memory, which helps them master grammar and the
intricacies of language at an earlier age. Girls can also follow more than
one train of thought and do more than one thing at a time. They hear better than boys and have a greater sensitivity to sound.
They are better able to perceive changes in volume and are also more
sensitive to smell. Male
brains are more compartmentalized and therefore more specialized than female
ones. The left side is almost exclusively set aside for the control of verbal
abilities including speaking, writing, reading and language. The right side
controls visual abilities including spatial relations and abstract thoughts.
The male brain is specially designed for logical problem-solving, so it can
often take boys up to seven hours longer then girls to process emotional data. The
focused structure of the male brain means that boys can concentrate more
intensely than girls can on one thing at a time. Boys tend to take in less
sensory information than girls. They smell less, taste less, and get less
input and soothing feedback from tactile information. They hear less well,
but hear better through one ear than through the other. Boys are more
aggressive and impulsive than girls are because they receive more
testosterone and 20% to 40% less serotonin than girls. Boys have better hand-eye coordination
and greater ability to manipulate objects in space and also have better
spatial relations than girls. Culture and Socialization: Popular
psychological theories describe male development as progressive or stage-related. They see independence and autonomy as the major tasks of
development. Recent studies are challenging
the need for boys to sever their relationship with their mother at early age.
They acknowledge the importance of this relationship and look at how it can
become transformed to meet the developmental needs of boys. Boys tend to have
tremendous energy, a willingness to venture into the unknown and a need to
take action and to test their limits. They play in large groups because of
their need for physical activity. Team sports teach them about winning and
losing and being on top. Boys assess each situation in terms of their sense
of adequacy and where they fit in. They are able to tolerate conflict better
than girls. Loyalty and fairness play a big part in their friendships.
Language and communication are tools used to win arguments and gain power
over others. Boys tend to solve problems on their own because talking to
others is seen as a loss of face. During
adolescence boys experience immense societal pressure to conform to a rigid
ideal of masculinity. They are pressured to repress any characteristics in
themselves that might in any way be seen as ‘female.’ They are
rewarded for showing their action-oriented side, for demonstrating physical
prowess and for repressing all of their feelings except anger and rage. Boys
learn to detach from their own experiences and to ignore fear and pain. They
lose their ‘voice’ or ability to talk about their thoughts,
opinions and feelings because they are afraid of being shamed. Boys handle
their feelings of powerlessness through bravado. They split into two selves.
The inner self contains the feelings society teaches boys are weak and
therefore unacceptable—feelings such as insecurity, inadequacy, fear,
loneliness, hurt, sadness and need—as well as their vulnerability. The
outer self reflects an image of male toughness and emotional detachment
which our society perceives as strength. Boys pretend to have more self-confidence
than they do, admit less weakness, posture more, pursue more overt attention
and appear more aggressive. As boys lose touch with themselves, the inner
self becomes buried and the mask of bravado is the only sense of self they
know. Unlike boys, girls do not separate from their mothers but develop their identities and sense-of-self in the context of their relationships first with their mother and then with significant others. Girls are interdependent. They perceive the world in the context of relationships. Girls play in small groups that are based on communication and connection. Their games teach them empathy and sensitivity. They have fewer rules than boys' games and girls will change the rules to accommodate the situations that arise. Girls have a best friend. They use language to create intimacy. They do this through sharing the details of their lives. Girls solve problems by talking to a friend. If it's a big problem, they talk to two friends. Girls assess each new situation in terms of how connected they feel. Feeling connected to someone else gives them a sense of well-being. Lack of connection (or a disruption in their connections) makes them feel anxious.
As girls enter puberty they begin
to feel out of control as their bodies and their lives change. At a
time when they need nourishment to facilitate their growth, many girls begin
to restrict their food intake because they are afraid of getting fat. They
measure themselves against each other and reinforce the message that they
must constantly try to change their bodies in order to fit in. Because girls
develop their identities in the context of their relationships, they flourish
when these relationships are open, honest and mutually supportive. When girls
reach adolescence they are encouraged to hold back their own feelings and
opinions in order to fit in. They lose their ‘voice’ or ability
to know and express what they think and feel. This causes them to move from
being the center of their own experience to looking outward for definition
and accommodating themselves to the needs of others. Girls split into two
selves. On the inside are the feelings and thoughts they cannot express. On
the outside is the persona they present to the world—the girl who is
pleasing and nice. As girls begin to disconnect from themselves and lose
their sense of self, the outer self is the only one they know. When
girls and boys cannot express their feelings and are disconnected from
themselves, they are at risk of developing coping mechanisms such as eating
disorders, body image disturbances and substance abuse. |
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© Salal Communications Ltd. Adapted from Sandra Susan Friedman's Just For Girls (2003) and Just for Boys (2007) and When Girls Feel Fat: Helping Girls Through Adolescence (2000) . Sources:
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